It's over.

I don't wanna keep tweeting all the sad stuff cos I know it's annoying, but I really need to vent my frustration/sadness somewhere. Figured my blog is probably the best place for now, since it was first created for me to pen down my thoughts. I'd suppose the title suggests the purpose of the post. If you still don't get it, too bad for you. It hurts so badly now, hurts up my spine in my heart and out of my soul. I feel lost now that everything has turned to ashes. Three years of having that special someone in my life, poof...gone like that. Took us so much to finally get together, so much ups and downs (more ups i'd say), so many wonderful trips together, and the most amazing birthday ever, and ever thought of marrying this special someone who seemed Godsent. Until this moment, I'd still want to marry him if not for the unsolvable problems we have. I don't know what you think, what others think or even what my friends think but deep down I know how much this special one means to me, and how much I love him. It's crazy. And maybe that's the thing that glued us together for 3 years despite having many problems. But we have come to realize, love isn't everything and it certainly doesn't take away some pain and hurt. I feel like a fool for always being able to give love advice on my formspring when right here, I'm sobbing and feeling so so so helpless. It's not that we have never broken up or taken a break before that I've never bothered writing a post like this. I always saw a glimpse of hope or a silver lining no matter what nasty situation we were put into. But right now, this time I know it's for real. It's over. We're done. The best damn thing that ever happened to me, it's time to go. The best three years of my life, it has to be nothing but memories. With all my ex-boyfriends adding up, it still can't amount to what I feel for D. It's crazy, and perhaps it's now then I realize how much I really love someone but it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm bawling my eyes out, crying till my jaw and head hurt. But I'm gonna wake up every morning from now on and tell myself, everything is gonna be alright. Life goes on no matter what. I just want to get my shit together.

Fuck it.
That's what I'm really gonna try to live by, at least.
And if anyone wanna come here/my formspring to rub salt to my wound, don't bother. I won't even entertain you, AT ALL.
I hope the rest of you had a wonderful valentine's day though x

It's been a crazy night. I need to meditate and sleep now, goodnight.